Last week whilst I was walking from the car park at the back of a hotel round to the reception at the front, I couldn’t help but notice all the signs within the 100m stretch. On the one hand the sheer number of warning signs was amusing. Yet at the same time, it perturbs me. If this is how customers are told to behave, I dread to think about the working ethos within the hotel. It also is a good reminder to review our own outdoor spaces and think about the message our notices and environmental print tell children, parents and visitors to our schools.

Firstly, as you can see, the hotel is located in a beautiful spot beside a waterway. Lovely. Not the sort of place for extreme signs…. or is it….???

The signs tell another deadly and dangerous story. Are you still breathing? If so, read on with caution…

Firstly I came across this sign which scores high on the instant irritation factor for its spelling. There is no moat anywhere.

We all accept that need to accept parking regulations for good reasons.

But… there’s no actual fire exit anywhere near this sign. No door. No nothing

And the other sign above where you can’t park tells you that you use this car park at your own risk…

Rest assured, you may be run over by a car but not a skateboarder or roller skaters. I wonder how they view people wearing heelies…

Then I start getting facetious. I have lots of badges leftover from my political activist days in the Eighties. Will this entitle me to park here?

There are the threats too…

Naturally, you need to be sure you really even should be in the car park…

This concerned me too…

There is a designated smoking area…

Right beside the notice that reminds you not to smoke inside…

Yet you can’t stand here obstructing anything. Heaven forbid!

The fire assembly point is round near the front of the hotel. Away from the car park.

Past the climbing frame which needs supervised children.

But not dogs in there…

Cycling is not allowed round this side of the hotel. There were quite a few of these signs…

Swimming is also not permitted…

In or out of the water…

But if a child must go into the water, make sure there’s an adult there too…

Of course, uneven surfaces are abound…

The hotel had even made a few extra signs, just incase we were not aware of the ground beneath our feet…

To be absolutely sure, there was even differently worded signs…

Finally before rounding the corner to the reception there was one information sign which was not a threat, instruction or warning. Phew!

I was intrigued to discover that that inside the hotel, the screen for my PowerPoint show had been carefully set up in front of a fire exit which really shouldn’t happen. I couldn’t be bothered to tell them though especially since a good part of my workshop was taking place outside. I hate to imagine the number of additional notices and checks this would have caused the staff to create and make.